Torn

This week is the week to register kids for preK and Kindergarten. At the moment 2 of my children go to public school. My oldest who will start high school next year, and my 5 year old who is in PreK this year. Why is the title of my blog post torn? I can't decide if I want to register my 5yr old for Kindergarten or not.

She decided in Setp/Oct that she wanted to be homeschooled and lasted a week. She cried and said she missed her teacher and friends so I took her back to preK. The Kindergarten teachers are WONDERFUL at the school she would be going to. We've had all but one of the Kindergarten teachers. I know she'd be in good hands!

I homeschool 2 out of 6 of my children (2 public schools, 2 babies). I enjoy doing homeschool with them. Even though nothing ever goes as planned and I feel totally lost some days. My 2nd grader goes back and forth on if she wants to go back to public school next year or not. My 1st grader has already said she's staying home with me again next year.

I have this HUGE guilt trip going on at the moment. I feel like my kids aren't around other kids enough. The best thing that I can't seem to get over (which might seem pety) my girls don't get invited to kids parties anymore. They got invited to one party since we started homeschooling. I know doesn't seem like a big deal, but I just feel sorry for them.

I baby sit a girl my 2nd graders age and a few weeks ago she was invited to spend the night with a friend. My girls don't get invited to spend the night at friends houses. This upset my girls because they don't get invited to spend the night at friends houses.

We aren't in a co-op or activity day this year. When I started homeschooling it was too late to sign up for anything other than the activity day. Because I couldn't bring the kids I baby sit I decided against it. At the time I would have been losing $80 for taking off that day. My baby sitting is what buys our groceries, so I couldn't afford to give that money up (no matter how good I am with coupons).

My 1st & 2nd graders are in Girl Scouts. We were going to church every weekend but have cut back on that after I had my son. It's really hard for me to get 6 kids up (sometimes 7 when I baby sit), going, ready and at church at 8:45am. I don't like our 11am service that much.

Another factor (this is going to make me sound totally lazy and I really don't care)is that my husband works nights now, in January he is going to days and will be working M-F. Right now he works 2 nights one week and 5 the next, but he can help get the kids ready for school. In January that will all change, I'll be the only one to be getting kids ready for school. I'm totally not digging that. I don't like being rushed in the morning.

What to do? What to do?

Jess

Bedtime

Bedtime around my house is killing me. I finally got both babies to bed last night and thought the other kids were laying down to sleep. My oldest left the light on in the living room along with the TV. How hard is it to turn these things off when you are done? I turn the TV off and hear 3 of the girls downstairs playing. I go to the top of the stairs and tell them to turn off the light it's bedtime. The response I get "We didn't get to play enough today so we are playing". WHAT??? I tell them "No, playtime is over go to sleep".

A friend of mine told me last week that he hates bedtime that the hours 5-9 are the worst in his house. I completely agree! We both talked about how hard it is to do dinner, baths and bed alone. We are both married, but his wife doesn't do much in the way of helping him. The kids are basically his responsiblity. My husband works nights and isn't home most of the time. He is home about 7 nights a month. (He works two jobs).

I dread once it hits about 5pm. I don't like having to cook dinner while entertaining the kids, clean up the little ones after dinner, and do all the things that must be done at night before going to bed.

I've got some night owl kids who love to give us a hard time about going to bed. It's slowly breaking me down over time. I didn't really notice how bad it was until my mom came to help out when I had my surgery. My 6 year old is staying up sometimes as late as 1am. This is killing me and I don't know how to end it.

It doesn't matter if we get the kids up early they seem to have endless energy and can still stay up late. I'm at a loss! I can't handle late nights and early mornings!

Jess

Losing

I feel like I'm in a losing battle all the time!

I feel like I'm losing myself. I know that when you grow up and have kids you and your "life" are put on the back burner. At least that's how it seems or should be in my eyes. When you have kids the party is over. The going out with friends and not worrying about getting up early the next morning-gone! The sleeping in-gone! Watching a movie or TV in peace-gone! Sitting on the couch or laying in bed all day reading-gone! That's all gone!

What you get though is such a wonderful love! Hugs & Kisses all the time. I love my kids and I still do all of the above except the going on with friends and worrying about coming home early enough. I just do everything different. I get to sleep in sometimes (thanks to my husband). I get to watch TV, I just fall a sleep during the shows most of the time. I get to read, but once again usually fall a sleep.

I just feel like I'm losing myself. I feel like I'm losing control over my house. I feel like I'm losing something from my marriage.

Every night it's a losing battle at bedtime. I lose every night when it's 11pm and I'm still telling my kids to go to freaking bed. I lose everytime I clean something and someone messes it up 2 minutes later. I lose whenever I can't get around to doing something I wanted to do. I lose when I go to bed mad, or get mad at my husband at any point and time during the day. I lose when I end up in the bathroom crying my eyes out for no reason!

I just feel so lost and sick of losing all the time. I don't know where to turn things around.

Jess

Surgery

Getting back on my feet after having surgery. Last week I had my gallbladder removed. I had to be at the hospital at 7:30am and didn't get home until almost 7pm that night. I got really sick after the surgery and wasn't waking up fully and couldn't stop throwing up until some meds were given to me. Awful!
Thankfully my mom came down two days before my surgery and stayed a week. She was such a huge help. She cleaned the girls room, took care of the kids, laundry, dishes etc. Awesome! My husband told her he would love for her to move in...haha.
The hardest part of this surgery (for me) is not being able to lift my babies for 4-6 weeks. Who knew! I'm catching myself over and over having to remind myself not to pick them up. Thankfully I haven't picked them up, but I've reached down a few times to pick them up. Thankfully they can climb on the couch and cuddle with me.
Out of the 4 cuts I got the only one that still hurts is my belly button. It feels like I was stabbed with a knife in my belly button...oh wait I was. It's sore and has black, purple, and green buises around it..yuck! It's the biggest of the 4 cuts also. No fun at all!
I'm feeling very blessed though. I'm so blessed that my mom could come and help with the house and kids for a week. I'm so blessed that my husband could take 4 weeks off to help with the kids. I'm so blessed that 3 of my friends brought us dinner. So blessed to have gotten all the prayer cards and get well soon cards from people at my church...some I don't even know. So blessed that a member of the church brought us dinner last night when my hubby had to work his second job. I could cook, but really don't have the energy to do it right now. So blessed to have people come to the house to help me when my hubby has to work his second job (which he couldn't take off from). God is wonderful! I thank him every day for my blessings!

Jess

10 Things Tuesday

A friend got me into this:)http://ourhappynuthouse.com/2012/01/10/10-things-tuesday-10/ I decided to 10 Things Tuesday. Listing 10 of anything. 10 books I want to read, 10 things I want to do this year, this week, today. 10 things I'm thankful for...etc..

For my first 10 Things Tuesday I'm going to list 10 things I want to get done with week!

1) I want to finish reading the book "Plain Promise" by Beth Wiseman.

2) I want to get my room at least 1/2 way clean.

3) I want to finish at least one of my kids fleece blankets.

4) I want to get at least 1/2 finished with my mom's scarf.

5) I want to finish one of the Christmas presents for my inlaws. (yes, I know it's January).

6) I want to get the kids going on their reading challenge.

7) Really try to be nicer to my husband. It's not his fault I'm in pain.

8) Enjoy my birthday. I'm just not in the mood for celebrating.

9) Get back on track with my picture taking. Even though I'm in pain.

10) Try to NOT worry about what my results will be on my ultrasound Thursday!

Jess

Wow

I've been having a really hard time with something personal lately. I've prayed and prayed about it. I've prayed for answers with the issue that I'm having.
Today I'm been really sick. I've had nausea for the past 2 1/2 days. Last night my kidney's, lower back area and my ovaries began to hurt. I went to the DR. today and she did a urine test even though I knew it wasn't a UTI and she didn't think so either but wanted to rule it out. She also drew blood to do labs with. I got a call that there's no sign of infection, my kidney's look good and my liver looks good. That she thinks this might be viral:(

Anyway, that's not the thing I've been praying about, but I missed a day of reading my Devotions. I went back just now to read my devotion from yesterday and it just amazes me how these devotions sometimes completely fit with what is going on with my life.

This is taken from "Jesus Calling" by Sarah Young

I am able to do far beyond all that you ask or imagine. Come to Me with positive expectations, knowing that there is no limit to what I can accomplish. Ask My Spirit to control your mind, so that you can think great thoughts of Me. Do not be discouraged by the fact that many of your prayers are yet unanswered. Time is a trainer, teaching you to wait upon Me, to trust Me in the dark. The more extreme your circumstances, the more likely you are to see My Power and Glory at work in the situation. Instead of letting difficulties draw you into worrying, try to view them as setting the scene for My glorious intervention. Keep your eyes and your mind wide open to all that I'm doing in your life

I always seem to forget that just because I don't have an answer right away from God that it doesn't mean he isn't listening. I will keep praying on the issue that is bothering me and know that he is listening and will answer that prayer in the way he sees fit!

Jess

Kids

Wow! Today I'm getting in the "Blog more". I was talking to my kids about resolutions and things to work on this year. I love their responses and thought I would share.

Bella~14 and said she hasn't made her list yet.

Kaelyn~7yrs old. Wants to finish the Little House series, Keep her room clean, and make bed everyday.

Natalie~ 6yrs old. Wants to work on her hand writing (she doesn't like to space words), and read more.

Addison~ 5yrs old. Wants to make her bed everyday, and learn to read

Avery~2ys old. Potty training

Michael~1yr old. Wants to sleep through the night for his mommy:)

Ok so the last two I picked for my kids! What bliss it would be to have one potty trained and both sleeping through the night!

I also thought of more to add to my list. I want to take 365 pictures this year (a picture a day), read the Bible, read more, and read to the kids more.

Jess