Bending and breaking

I heard a song the other day and a line in the song said "He will let you bend but won't let you break" (or close to that). Talking about how God will let you bend but he won't let you break. I've always heard that God will not give you more than you can handle. Not that I'm questioning God, but I really don't know how much more bending or how much more I can take.

I know everyone is having a hard time right now. Well not everyone, but most of America. I'm just having a really hard time lately.

My husband works two jobs. I stay home with my kids. I homeschool 2 of them and I have 2 little ones at home. My oldest who is 14 and my 4th daughter who is 5 go to public school. I let my kids choose which they want to do, based on the child and what fits them best. This is my first full year of homeschooling. I baby sit in order to make ends meet and to feed the family.

At the moment I'm looking for more children to watch as I only have one full time child and two after school (that I keep about an hour). I have the full time childs mom pay me only for the days she comes instead of by the week. She's a single mom and I feel for her. She gave me a schedule and I was expecting the child to be here 5 days this week. She's come once! Therefore I'm out money this week because she only brought her one time. She's gotten her boyfriend to watch her daughter. I understand this because she's tight on money also, but it still makes me angry because now I'm out grocery money for the week. Same thing happen last week.

I'm so tired of being "in the hole" money wise, and struggling. I just don't know what else to do. I feel like I'm bent over backwards and can't bend anymore. I feel like I'm about to snap in half.

To top it all off, my children who know they aren't suppose to touch any cleaners opened a 2000 flushes and flushed the big blue bar because the water wasn't blue anymore. They aren't saying who did it. The potty won't flush now and that's something else that is going to need to be fixed, but how do we fix it?

I'm just not happy with my life at all right now. I'm happy for my family, I love them, but I just am not happy with living here in this house, living in this state, not being able to find more daycare kids. Even though I've tried so hard. I've got ad's everywhere, and I'm just not having luck. The city we live in just doesn't seem to have anyone needing childcare.

Off to steam about this all. There's more, but I don't feel like going into it right now.

Jess