Do you every feel...

Do you ever feel like you just don't belong? You wonder "What is wrong with me"? "What did I do"? (or not do). I'm very much having one of those moments (or day/days/weeks).

I've lived in Virginia now for 12 years (I believe). I have made some friends, but I just don't feel like I belong. When I lived in Kentucky I had friends. We got together, we went out together, met for coffee, went to movies, or just hung out with each other at each other's place. Granted I only had one child then, but still I did things.

I have made friends since moving here. I'm not saying that I have no friends. I have friends, I just don't ever do anything with them.

When I moved to my current city I had no friends, I knew no one other than people at work. I had no friends at all. I hated living in Virginia, but I'd met a man who I loved from the moment I meet him (my hubby). Now I'm not working outside the home and my work friends are still working. I love staying home with my kids and keeping other people's kids (don't get me wrong), but there are some days I still wish I got out of the house and got to go to work and tell with all the work crap! Lord knows I dealt with a lot of crap at work.

I joined MOM's Club when I was pregnant with my fourth child. I made some great friends through MOM's Club, but it's no longer going. A lot of mom's have moved, or we've lost touch. Then I joined MOPS. The women there are great, but I still feel like I don't belong or that I don't fit in. I've been in the club for 2 years now and still feel that way.

I feel like I'm not included in a lot of things because of the size of my family. Like my kids will destory their house or what not. I've been invited to playdates (usually last minute, sort of a pity invite). We have gone to picnic's and what not. The last picnic I went to my family sat alone (just me and the kids), and two mom's (at the same time) got onto one of my kids for throwing pebbles (not at anyone just throwing them) while I was fustrated and dealing with a child who was actually having an issue. That just rubbed me the wrong way. Really what is the harm of a child that wasn't even 2 yet throwing pebbles at the ground?

The events I have been invited to are events in which they want you to buy something. I'm a family of 8 our money is tight pretty much all the time! I would much rather get together for coffee or just to sit around and chit chat.

I remember when I was a teenager telling my mom she needed to make some friends. Now I completely understand. As during the summers we were also a family of 8 and during the rest of the year a family of 6. I'm guessing she was in the same place I am not except she worked full time outside of the house.

I don't want to go out every night, but shoot once a week would be nice. To even be asked to something (that doesn't want me to buy something) would be awesome. I just want friends that I can text, call, hang out with sometimes. I can honestly say that I have 1 true friend that texts me, and wants to hang out.

I'm totally jealous of those mom's when I see that they went to the movies with a friend, went to someone's house with a friend, or even just hung out with a friend. I totally miss that. I'm so lonely. I don't think it helps that my hubby works nights were as most of my friends husbands work during the day.

Ok pitty party over, and I'll get back to my knitting or reading. Thanks for reading my complaining!

*sigh*
Jess